What Women SAY THEY Want

Recently, I find myself thinking of the movie “What Women Want” starring the (now revealed as an anti-Semite) Mel Gibson opposite Helen Hunt. In this movie, a man is struck by lightning, and so he gets the ability to read the mind of all the women around him. This leads him to understand the best ways in which to manipulate them for the motives of obtaining sex, outperforming them at work, and eventually falling in love. While all of these motives are varying degrees of selfish, I found myself thinking how useful it would be to be able to read the mind of women for the purposes of enhancing my love life and not for the conclusions that you all might be jumping to right now.

We live in an ever-evolving world of complication. The modern incarnation of the human animal took 6.5 million years to reach its current level of complication. There was a time-tested vetting process by which traits inefficient to the perpetuation of our species were weeded out of the both the geno- and phenotypes. If one of our ancestors possessed a trait that somehow impeded the passing on of genetic material, then he/she was summarily eaten by a saber-toothed tiger or what-have-you. So, it could be argued that the current embodiment of our species has become the most efficient vehicle to date by which to spread our varying spectrum of genetically encoded traits to the succeeding generation. If we accept this premise, then the question becomes “Why are we still playing mind-games with each other when it comes to the simple act of meeting for a date?!” If this question seems particularly pointed, it is.

Yesterday evening, I showed up to the coffee shop where I had agreed to meet a girl for an informal coffee date. We found each other on OkayCupid.com, and we had arranged this date the previous Saturday. Just after we had confirmed that we would meet there at that time, I entered it into my calendar on my phone because I didn't want to forget it. All week I looked forward to meeting her in person. Yesterday morning, I took a little extra time than normal on my daily, morning, grooming ritual because I was eager to make a good, first impression. After work and all of my other daily plans, I wound up arriving at the coffee shop around 3:00 pm for a date who would not arrive until sometime after 5 because unlike me she did not have a half day at work. Being the boy-scout that I am, I brought a few electronic devices to occupy myself until (what I assumed was) her eminent arrival. I had made the decision to give her until 6:30 since our agreed time was non-specific. 7 o'clock rolls around, and there is still no sign of her, so I go back to OkayCupid and very diplomatically ask her if we can re-schedule for Monday after work which is the next time that I'll be in the city. Her verbatim reply was “Hey! Sorry about that. I wasn't super sure you still wanted to meet up since I hadn't heard from you.”

Now I have been branded as a feminist from outside sources because I believe that there should be no difference in the rights between men and women in pretty much every facet of our lives. As a side effect, I have come to understand that the one thing that women don't want men to do is to underestimate them or their motivations, i.e. none of this “Needing a man to save me and my ineffectual abilities from the dangerous dragon” mentality. I have learned not only to accept but also to embrace the notion that women are strong, capable human beings who deserve all the respect that I would give any man. Over the centuries women have come to claim their equal share of the rights and responsibilities of any man; although, until they are paid equally for the same work, there is still more distance that needs to be covered. So, my new question becomes “Why is it that I should assume that a potential mate's attention-span needs re-stoking every other day or so?” Wouldn't this be a step backwards in all of the respect and consideration women have so hardly fought for over the eras?

Perhaps, I am being too close-minded. Maybe this is not a trait of the entire gender but just this one woman in particular. The only thing that gives me a glimpse of the validity of this idea is that I interpret the world through my own eyes as we all do. Personally, when I make plans (even a week in advance) I show up. Can I say that this is true of all men? No. But, isn't needing a man to entice you constantly just the new form of being a “Damsel in Distress?” As a logical and evolved species, haven't we all evolved beyond these more basic impulses yet? I don't claim to have the answers to any of these questions; in fact, I have always made the joke that if I were ever to understand the opposite sex completely, then that would be the precise instant when a bolt of lightning would strike me dead. And since I don't possess the capacity to read a women's mind, I suppose that I will have to keep studying this somewhat foreign species in an attempt at least to understand them a little better.

“I am neither a feminist nor a masculinist, I am an equalist. The determining factor for who gets what amount of respect, goods, and opportunities should never be decided on the basis of something as trivial as which bathroom door you walk through.”

-The Oft Forgotten Prophet