Let's all look at that Green-Eyed Monster through Rose-Colored Glasses...

Why is jealousy such a vilified emotional response? There's a strong stigma surrounding it that forces us immediately to pigeon-hole it as a “bad thing” without any analysis as to why it is one. It is even considered to be one of the Seven Deadly Sins for crying out loud! But despite all of the bad press that jealousy has gotten over the centuries (religious texts notwithstanding,) I propose that properly controlled jealously is useful, and in some cases, it is even beneficial.

First of all, in a world where we are inundated with 30 possible ways to order coffee, it becomes very easy to lose sight of what it is you actually want. After looking over all of the possible choices, the brain goes into this scenario-spinning mode; whereby, it tries to predict the most favorable outcome. But, because there are so many possibilities in so many possible combinations, the brain, from an outside perspective, appears stuck in an eternal feedback loop of indecision. This “analysis paralysis” results in no decision being made whatsoever. As a result, there is absolutely no benefit that is gained because the more evolved part of the brain is deadlocked in its analysis. However, when we see another coffee shop patron enjoying their beverage of choice, the more primitive part of the brain is activated, and we actually commit to making a decision because that more primitive brain bypassed the traffic jam by taking the disused, back road to the ultimate goal. In a nutshell, jealousy actually leads to a decision when logic lead to indecision.

To complicate this beyond the trivial, say that you have been dating two different people each for several months, and for ease's sake, let us also say that they are fully aware of each other and each of their respective links to you (more on this in a moment.) You have an equal amount of fun with both of them, they are each equally well off, and you can foresee a solid future with either of them. As a result, you cannot decide who you should pursue for a more formally permanent relationship, so you decide to leave it to the ever-trusty toss of the coin. Heads, it's Person A; tails, it's Person B. You flip the coin into the air, it lands in your right hand, and you flip it over onto your left. Now, let's hit the pause button for a moment. This coin is taking something away from you here. It has stolen your right to make an informed decision based upon the available data. This coin knows nothing of your motivations, desires, or those of your two, potential mates. So, you become angry. Why should this coin get to make such a huge decision for you?! Who does this disc-shaped hunk of metal think it is? It is in this moment, if you can look passed the impetus of the trivial, that you can clearly see your own desire through the lens of how you are hoping the coin flip will turn out. You have again just bypassed analysis paralysis by tricking yourself to get into touch with that more primal part of your brain. This is the part that experiences emotion unadvised by the eons of logic that have evolved around it. In effect, this served to wrap its logical hands around the throat of the decision-making process and choke out the air getting to the desire behind the logic.

Moreover, jealousy (in small and controlled doses) can serve to heighten emotional intimacy. Let me be clear, I am not advocating the unbridled application of hitting on other people in the presence of your significant other whenever you get the chance to do so. This is cruel and unusual punishment. But, in my own experience, I have been in relationships where my partner never got jealous...at all...ever. On first pass, this seems like an ideal situation, but in practice, it is far from it. A small modicum of jealous response from your partner (as in the 2-5% range) can reassure you that your partner does indeed value your relationship because they will take steps not to lose it. This reassurance can serve to fan the fires of your passion for this person and keep the torch you carry for them burning brightly for years to come. Sadly, for most people, there is no internal buffer to jealousy, and they can become swept away in the emotional deluge that an unmitigated flood of passion can induce in the unprepared. The bottom line is, we all have jealousy; it is as universally human as any other attribute which you can name. To be so thoroughly ashamed of something that is an intrinsic part of you is akin to feet because they touch the floor. Instead, I think that we as humans should learn to embrace our jealousy and use it as a tool in the aforementioned capacities. I mean, it's not going to go anywhere, so we might as well put it to work for us rather than against us.

To this end, I will leave you with an excerpt from Mark Twain's story Letters from the Earth pertaining to that green-eyed monster which follows: “...among human beings jealousy ranks distinctly as a weakness; a trademark of small minds; a property of all small minds, yet a property which even the smallest is ashamed of; and when accused of its possession will lyingly deny it and resent the accusation as an insult.”